I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
