Swine flu. Run for my life!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My liver just had a heart attack.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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