"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
