I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize