I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
