Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
