the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
