What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Actions speak louder than pants.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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