no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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