You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I don't think brook has ever known best
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
