No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize