U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
