im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
