i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
