The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
