oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
