Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
