I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
