i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
