well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
