Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
