I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
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