if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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