You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
