...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My penis needs a shock collar
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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