2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
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