I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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