I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
