The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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