So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
