So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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