At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize