How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
