Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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