Nicole vs. Life
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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