covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize