I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You are a genius and a whore.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
