I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
