I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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