Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The feeling are messing with the penis
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
