He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize