If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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