The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
