i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
