I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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