You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
