whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
