im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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