ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
