Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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