just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
