This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
