its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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