I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
