You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
