Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Sorry my hands just texted you
You may now shotgun with the bride
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
