part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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