he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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