Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
