Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Never joke about your clitoris.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
