Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
