Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
