you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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