I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
