i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
