they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
