check it out our google latitudes are spooning
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
